Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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