The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Can you bring me the toilet please
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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