so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
