Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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