He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
