her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
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