is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I FOUND THE LEGS
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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