plz talk dirty to me
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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