I cannot find my penis.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
