Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
