I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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