Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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