did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
