So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
