I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
