you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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