i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
