See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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