6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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