I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
