So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
