I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
