Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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