So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
