i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
