I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
