How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
