who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize