Already got asked if we're dating
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
