You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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