everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
do herpes really smell.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize