I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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