If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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