I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
don't judge my taste in strippers
is that a dick in a sweater?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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