Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
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The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
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mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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