Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
