how can u be prego again
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
