i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
