thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
