What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
