My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
