Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
