So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
