Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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