come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
