Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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