So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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