this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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