Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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