if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
