my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
