weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
