if only i could text you this smell
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
