but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
