He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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