Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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