So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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