I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
