Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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