My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
