So drunk its hurt
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
