Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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