I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize