Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
And then he peed in my hair
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