I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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