my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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