Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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