Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
