I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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