I swear she didn't look like that last week.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
