as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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