One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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