Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
