I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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