nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
