trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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