I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
