anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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