I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she peed on how many people?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
